A Giraffe and a Half

Since starting preschool, we have seen tremendous growth in Lucy's development. We are very proud of her. She is using vocabulary like, "I'll go the opposite way now" and "Actually, I prefer mango." She is making lots of new friends and talking to us about her day more, not solely focusing on the negative interactions that inevitably happen between preschoolers. She is getting herself ready for school in the morning at at 90% independence level and asking for help with the tricky parts, like getting sock bottoms on the bottom and taking shirts off. Lucy works hard at everything that she finds initially difficult and has become more outgoing. We attended a birthday party this past weekend at an indoor playground called Jumpity Bumpity. I took her through the whole thing one time to get her warmed up a bit before lots of other kids got there, but after that we barely saw her. She was running around and laughing with her friends. We were shocked that she didn't stick by one of use or insist that we were in the climber with her the entire time. It is an amazing journey to watch her grow into her own little person, precocious as that little person may be sometimes. 

On Sunday morning she brought a few books out to the living room and told Jim and I that she was going to read to us. She had picked two familiar books and one new book. She proceeded to read The Green Grass Grew All Around using the pictures to help guide her. She was unsure at first and kept looking to me to fill in the "right" words for her, which, of course, I did not. I smiled and nodded a lot and stared at the pictures. Then she read Shel Silverstein's A Giraffe and a Half and nailed so many of the interesting vocabulary words I could hardly believe. That is a long book and she went page by page, picture by picture and kept reading. These are the concept of print skills we would hope to see by this time in kindergarten. Then she read Twas the Night Before Christmas, which we haven't read since last Christmas and she clearly had no recollection of. She used the pictures and told us a story. There are three ways to read a book. Reading the words, reading the pictures, and retelling the story. She used two strategies that I can remember trying to get second, third, and fourth graders to use. To say I was mesmerized is an understatement. When I was pregnant with her, I had to make an effort to get in reading aloud time every day. Now, Baby Sunny gets to hear all three of us read a little each day almost without exception. It brings joy to my heart and tears to my eyes.

This past weekend was Thanksgiving and we had a nice, relaxing time cutting down a Christmas tree for the first time. Traditions like this seem so normal until I see it through her eyes. Trick-or-treating was the same way. I didn't even know how to explain to her the reason for our weird behavior. We decorated the tree that evening, which she was interested in for about 10 minutes. Every year we are going to have her make an ornament, though, to bring a personal memory into the tree decorating tradition. Thanksgiving was celebrated with a huge, delicious meal at my sister's house where Lucy always soaks in alllll the attention from her 4 cousins. They are all so patient and loving and kind with her. Each one takes an interest in her in a different way, playing games, sharing their stuffed friends, and riding bike with her. I am always grateful we live so close to them. Lucy even completed her first race at the Turkey Trot. She finished the 1/4 mile kid's race and ran almost the whole thing. She got an adorable medal with a turkey on it and made Jim and I VERY proud. 

The weekend before Thanksgiving we had Jim's Aunt Donna for a long weekend visit and his cousin, Autumn, and her partner, Franci, for the day on Sunday. Typically Jim and I expect Lucy to take a long time to warm up to new (or newish) people, but she warmed right up to Aunt Donna. Of course, Aunt Donna has gentle, but firm boundaries and uses language that Lucy is accustomed to hearing and usually responds to positively. All of that made an obvious and immediate difference. We took the three of them to the Cal Academy of Sciences on Sunday and Lucy toured them around like museum was paying her to make sure they enjoyed their time. Again, we were shocked that she would take one of their hands and drag them to the jellyfish, or run away from us to get one of them to come pet the starfish. They were amazingly helpful, doing all the car entertaining, pouring love and attention over her, and taking a genuine interest in getting to her know her, even it isn't going to happen that often. It was a surprisingly relaxing weekend and I am grateful for our time together. 

With all of the developmental leaps Lucy has been making, we have been surprised (and annoyed) at what seems to us to be an increase in hitting, specifically, Jim and I. There is definitely more verbal communication in preschool than in toddler, but she is with up to 6 year olds and when they are aggressive, it is much more forceful than an 2 year old. I started to talking to her about basic needs and how not having your basic needs met can make you a grizzle grump. We try to point out to her when one of us is tired or hungry or thirsty or need a hug and let her know that we are feeling a bit grizzly. Then, we make sure she sees the action that we take to remedy the problem. As a parent, and a teacher, you always wonder if you say too much, or not enough, or the right amount, but at the wrong time. And then a miracle happens and you realize they listen to every. single. word., even when it seems obvious they aren't. We were snuggling on the couch after school yesterday and she was sticking her fingers in my mouth. I asked her to stop, but she wouldn't. Just as I was going to have to walk away, she stopped and said, "Hmmm...I am feeling hungry. Maybe that's why I am hitting!" After I passed out, we decided it would be a good idea to go to the kitchen for a snack before dinner. It was amazing. And her leaps in logic and communication and making me feel a little better every day about our timing for the growing human in my belly. 

Almost 23 Weeks

Speaking of human #2, he, yes, he has a penis, is doing very well. He is an active little guy and I am finding more and more joy in all his movements. Telling Lucy about the changes to come and having her respond with joy has also been a weight off my shoulders. When I was pregnant with her, I wondered how Jim and my relationship would be affected by becoming a family three. For most of this pregnancy, I have worried over how becoming a family of four will affect my relationship with my first Bub. I have no doubt our relationship will be disrupted, but I just as certain that we will find a way to adjust and adapt. She tells everyone we are getting a new baby, then pats my belly and tells everyone that he still has some growing left to do. We took her to 20 week ultrasound with us. Joanna came along to see the ultrasound and to give Lucy a break when she needed it. This was a good decision because he never stopped moving for the whole thing and kept blurring the pictures and measurements. I showed Lucy her ultrasound pictures the evening before and we talked about what we could expect. She has lots of questions and wanted to be close by me. I am really glad we took her. It was a great experience. Now we need a couple of names for this little guy. 

Maybe some day I'll feel like posting the whole story, but everything that happened with the alarmist, referral happy doctors after the ultrasound had me so stressed out that I actually got sick. Baby Sunny has a little fluid behind his kidneys and his nuchal translucency fold measured at 6.01, .01 above the cut-off of 6.0. Well, we ended up seeing a genetic counselor, doing an additional round of bloodwork, and being sent for a fetal eco-cardiogram. They were looking for signs of Downs Syndrome because of the .01mm thickness over the normal range. Baby Sunny was at a 1/10,000 chance of having Downs before all the medical bologna, and he remains at the same chance after all the bologna. It was awful and stressful. The kept saying things there were very serious in a very nonchalant way..."We aren't worry. We don't see any hard indicators of Downs. This is a very, very soft indicator that we don't really use much any more. But, go for a fetal eco-cardiogram." I don't want to be skeptical of the medical world. I want to trust them and believe that they aren't in it for the money alone. But all of those referrals were in-house and UCSF got a fat paycheck from my insurance for every extra, unnecessary test. The same insurance plan that covers all of that will only cover my care with the midwives at Pacifica Birthing Center at 60%. I spent almost three weeks being exhausted, stressed out, angry, and worried. They should have to pay for a month's worth of prenatal massage to make-up for that. 

Now that we are on the other side of all that, I should receive the rest of prenatal care from the midwives. I need to get a 32 week ultrasound to check on the fluid behind the kidneys, but I am going to insist that they look ONLY at the kidneys. I don't want to know anything else that they may or may not be worried about. We are going to tour the hospital next week to have some familiarity with it in the case that we need to transfer our care over there. I am proud to say that I still riding my bike as much as I was before I got pregnant. I bike Lucy to school, then to the YMCA to workout/swim, then up to campus, then home at the end of the day. Not having to fight and pay for parking is a joy. It is more tiring than it used to be, but I feel really good about it. My goal is to make it to December and six months pregnant, and it is looking like that is going to happen! I haven't been climbing recently and that really bums me out. I haven't had a partner recently and I don't like the impact of coming off the bouldering wall when I am this far along in pregnancy. I did complete the Turkey Trot 5K with Novalynn and Alorah on Thanksgiving in 46 minutes. I wasn't even sore the next day :-). 

Great Big Sister

This weekend we decided it was time to tell the Big Sister that she is going to be a Big Sister. She was amazingly mature and responsive. Lucy responded that we could call the baby Sunny and that she would carry it all around because it wouldn't be able to walk when it comes out of my belly. We gave her a bag of gifts to congratulate her, including a new Wee Baby Stella, that she hasn't put down since. She has even taught her new "special" baby to talk already. She wants her baby to be able to talk to her so she can get what she needs, not just cry. We got her two books. One about a little girl who becomes a big sister and one called "Baby on the Way." This book explains, in simple, but clear terms what is happening inside my body and what will change along the way. It briefly mentions the mommy's uterus and shows a picture of what it might be like for the baby on the inside. She didn't have too many questions, but she did ask if Jim has a baby in his belly. He got nervous about answering this, presuming this was a question of penis vs. vagina. I quickly answered that he can't have a baby because he doesn't have a uterus for the baby to grow in. Since then, she has told many people that her mommy has a baby, Sunny, in her belly, that she has a pretend baby in her own belly, and that daddy doesn't have one because he doesn't have a uterus. It makes me proud that she know has more sex ed than most adults with children in this country :-). 

Lulabean was so calm about the whole idea that it almost seemed as if she had some sort of spidey-sense that I had a baby in my belly and was just waiting for Jim and I to be ready to face the news. She knew she would carry the baby, sing it ABC's, and that it will cry for milkies from mama. She already settled on the idea that she would be a great teacher for the little sibling and was completely understanding that my body can't work in the same ways it could a few months ago. She even rearranged herself on the reading chair before bed so the baby could be comfortable. She immediately wanted to feel the baby kick, which can't quite be felt on the outside yet, but she is happy to pretend. 

I am still feeling very protective of her. We decided to take her to the 20 week ultrasound tomorrow and I wanted her to have some context for it. This evening I am going to show her the ultrasound pictures from her being in my belly. And we have been talking about what babies need for over a year now, long before we were even ready to have another baby. When she hears a baby cry, she tries to figure out what they might need. So far she has been gentle and kind with our neighbors new baby, Babybrothermo (one word :-). There are so many variables and too many hard things that may have to be explained to her. I cannot and do not intend to protect from everything. She is one sensitive little kid, though. Her feelings are hurt so easily and she cares so much for others. I can't imagine what we would do if "the plans changed," as we remind her frequently they may. I try to put it out of my head. She's my first born and even though she is certifiably a preschooler now, she will always be my baby. 

As can be seen from these pictures, Lucy and Jim have been growing in closeness. They spend loads of time reading together, much more than her and I. He forgot to put her in a pull-up last night and she soaked by the bed by the time I crawled in after a very long day on campus. I would have NEVER done this. He probably also spent most of the evening being present with her. Playing games, reading books, and doing works. She never got in the bath and they didn't brush her teeth. Nonetheless, I am overjoyed that they are getting along so well lately. They are going to be buds once this baby comes to meet our family and we are making an effort to start now. We also love, love, love that he has been primarily working from home for some time now. They often get dressed together in the morning, which saves me time and a headache. Yesterday he was in LA for work, we got into a power struggle over dressing, and she cried for him. She wanted to trade parents in the opposite direction of the rest of her life. This may hurt some moms feelings. I was thrilled and delighted and only frustrated that I couldn't tap out. 

Halloween this year was awesome. Not only was Lucy adorable in costume, but she was a delight to spend the evening with. She nailed "trick-or-treat" and even told a couple of people that we were looking for treats, not tricks. She said "thanks!" at every door and walked around the neighborhood for an hour. We let her eat one lollipop, one small chocolate, and one pack of gummy bears. She did ask for treats in the am, but we deflected and she didn't ask again, which is good because Jim and I have been enjoying her candy every day since :-). She was really into the idea of the holiday and loved decorating our apartments with painted pumpkins and the window clings my sister sent her. That means Jim and I can no longer ignore holidays. She is pumped for her chocolate cupcakes with strawberries on top with candles for her birthday. She wants the birthday song and is looking forward to the December birthday celebration at Nia House. This also means that we should probably get a Christmas tree this year. We are going to skip Santa coming to our house and just do some light presents from us. Jim's parents are planning to come and we'll have a nice meal and a lazy day of playing with them. And we will learn about Santa as a tradition and a symbol of the holiday. It is time to start some traditions with her that she can look forward to. Just not all of them.

Another Little Bisha Adventure

(19 Weeks)

Second baby, you are oh so different from your sister already. You were just as planned and just as wanted as your big sister, but everything about the start of your life is a 180 degree turn from Lucy's. The first trimester was an absolute dousy. Five weeks in, I got a stomach bug and didn't come out from the fog of that for another five weeks. Five weeks after that, and I finally had some energy back, which is good, because your big sis and your dad have a lot of energy. Now I am feeling well and riding bike and working out and feeling much more like myself. Not having the energy to give Lucy that I can usually give was really hard for me. I figured there would be an end point to the awful feelings, but they really knocked me out. I have also gained almost as much already as I did with Lucy on the day I gave birth to her. That has been really difficult to deal with, as well. This baby is already moving and grooving, though. I felt the first little flutter when we were falling asleep one evening at Disneyland last week and the baby has just been getting more and more active.

But circumstances are just different this time. No personal trainer, two bed apartment, ridiculous cost of living, one main income, and one kid already in private school full time. The first time around there was the same amount of anxiety. It was just an entirely different set of anxieties. We have a changing table, we have wipes, and diaper rash cream, and bottles, and I know how to breastfeed and pump, and I know just how tired we are going to be. I don't have a single worry about labor and delivery, I know what brand diapers to use and that we can parent together and be good enough at it. Mostly I am worried about Lucy. I am nervous about how our relationship will change, and I know it will. I also have no clue where and how everyone will sleep. No idea. We need an apartment where we can have a full size bed in another room. We put in for a transfer within the village. Then involves moving and transitions, though, and that all causes anxiety. A bigger apartment is more expensive, of course, and two children in care is going to be expensive, too. We'll do it. Short term sacrifices for long term gains. With Lucy, it wasn't easy, but I quit my job when she was 4 months old and we moved when she was 5 months old. I was taking the GRE and applying for grad school and we packed up and shipped out the West Coast. We are here now, and we aren't going any where until I graduate. I can take as much time as I need, but there isn't a huge savings any more to cover our expenses. My job doesn't bring in much, but it does cover some extras, like going to Disneyland and my health insurance. 

We haven't officially told Lucy yet, although she definitely knows in her own little almost 3 year old way. She looked at me point blank a few weeks ago and asked, "do you have a baby in your belly, mum?" I told her we would talk about it later. We want to have the 20 week ultrasound before we go making any big announcements to her sweet and tender soul. I think we will put together a little gift bag for her...a book, a card, a big sister shirt, and a special something. She loves gifts and is grateful if you find a rock and tell her you found it just for her. (She'll probably lose her mind with gratitude and joy on her birthday and Christmas this year). Our good friends just had a new baby a few weeks ago and he fell asleep in my arms yesterday. She curled up on the couch beside me and rubbed his tiny baby feet and soft hair with the most gentle, loving touch. I know it won't like that all the time when the baby doesn't go home, but we have started watching Daniel Tiger with his baby sister and we talk all the time about babies. "I hear a baby crying...I bet that baby needs milk and a diaper." And now when she hears a baby crying, she says the same thing. She'll be annoyed and we'll be all be exhausted for the first few months. Overall, a family of four sounds just right.

I have decided to receive prenatal care from a birthing center with midwives this time around. There are so many reasons that I don't have the energy to get into here and now. Mostly, I want to feel like people giving me care know and care about me. I don't want to stay in the hospital for three days away from first born and I don't want unnecessary medical intervention. I do want it if it is necessary, but only then. We will go tour the local hospital at some point in the third trimester in the event that we transfer our care over there. Typically, pregnancies and babies don't go as planned and we want to have all of our options. Besides insurance hassles, I love going to the birthing center and, after much toiling, feel like we have made the best for our family at this point in time. 

So, we are excited. And nervous. And we have so few worries that were there at this time three years ago and a million that we didn't know existed the first time around. Lucy is getting more independent every day and she is drawn to little ones. She loves being a "great teacher" and is so helpful I eat her up sometimes. Second baby, your going to round out our family. It is going to be great. It just might take a little time to get there.