A Giraffe and a Half

Since starting preschool, we have seen tremendous growth in Lucy's development. We are very proud of her. She is using vocabulary like, "I'll go the opposite way now" and "Actually, I prefer mango." She is making lots of new friends and talking to us about her day more, not solely focusing on the negative interactions that inevitably happen between preschoolers. She is getting herself ready for school in the morning at at 90% independence level and asking for help with the tricky parts, like getting sock bottoms on the bottom and taking shirts off. Lucy works hard at everything that she finds initially difficult and has become more outgoing. We attended a birthday party this past weekend at an indoor playground called Jumpity Bumpity. I took her through the whole thing one time to get her warmed up a bit before lots of other kids got there, but after that we barely saw her. She was running around and laughing with her friends. We were shocked that she didn't stick by one of use or insist that we were in the climber with her the entire time. It is an amazing journey to watch her grow into her own little person, precocious as that little person may be sometimes. 

On Sunday morning she brought a few books out to the living room and told Jim and I that she was going to read to us. She had picked two familiar books and one new book. She proceeded to read The Green Grass Grew All Around using the pictures to help guide her. She was unsure at first and kept looking to me to fill in the "right" words for her, which, of course, I did not. I smiled and nodded a lot and stared at the pictures. Then she read Shel Silverstein's A Giraffe and a Half and nailed so many of the interesting vocabulary words I could hardly believe. That is a long book and she went page by page, picture by picture and kept reading. These are the concept of print skills we would hope to see by this time in kindergarten. Then she read Twas the Night Before Christmas, which we haven't read since last Christmas and she clearly had no recollection of. She used the pictures and told us a story. There are three ways to read a book. Reading the words, reading the pictures, and retelling the story. She used two strategies that I can remember trying to get second, third, and fourth graders to use. To say I was mesmerized is an understatement. When I was pregnant with her, I had to make an effort to get in reading aloud time every day. Now, Baby Sunny gets to hear all three of us read a little each day almost without exception. It brings joy to my heart and tears to my eyes.

This past weekend was Thanksgiving and we had a nice, relaxing time cutting down a Christmas tree for the first time. Traditions like this seem so normal until I see it through her eyes. Trick-or-treating was the same way. I didn't even know how to explain to her the reason for our weird behavior. We decorated the tree that evening, which she was interested in for about 10 minutes. Every year we are going to have her make an ornament, though, to bring a personal memory into the tree decorating tradition. Thanksgiving was celebrated with a huge, delicious meal at my sister's house where Lucy always soaks in alllll the attention from her 4 cousins. They are all so patient and loving and kind with her. Each one takes an interest in her in a different way, playing games, sharing their stuffed friends, and riding bike with her. I am always grateful we live so close to them. Lucy even completed her first race at the Turkey Trot. She finished the 1/4 mile kid's race and ran almost the whole thing. She got an adorable medal with a turkey on it and made Jim and I VERY proud. 

The weekend before Thanksgiving we had Jim's Aunt Donna for a long weekend visit and his cousin, Autumn, and her partner, Franci, for the day on Sunday. Typically Jim and I expect Lucy to take a long time to warm up to new (or newish) people, but she warmed right up to Aunt Donna. Of course, Aunt Donna has gentle, but firm boundaries and uses language that Lucy is accustomed to hearing and usually responds to positively. All of that made an obvious and immediate difference. We took the three of them to the Cal Academy of Sciences on Sunday and Lucy toured them around like museum was paying her to make sure they enjoyed their time. Again, we were shocked that she would take one of their hands and drag them to the jellyfish, or run away from us to get one of them to come pet the starfish. They were amazingly helpful, doing all the car entertaining, pouring love and attention over her, and taking a genuine interest in getting to her know her, even it isn't going to happen that often. It was a surprisingly relaxing weekend and I am grateful for our time together. 

With all of the developmental leaps Lucy has been making, we have been surprised (and annoyed) at what seems to us to be an increase in hitting, specifically, Jim and I. There is definitely more verbal communication in preschool than in toddler, but she is with up to 6 year olds and when they are aggressive, it is much more forceful than an 2 year old. I started to talking to her about basic needs and how not having your basic needs met can make you a grizzle grump. We try to point out to her when one of us is tired or hungry or thirsty or need a hug and let her know that we are feeling a bit grizzly. Then, we make sure she sees the action that we take to remedy the problem. As a parent, and a teacher, you always wonder if you say too much, or not enough, or the right amount, but at the wrong time. And then a miracle happens and you realize they listen to every. single. word., even when it seems obvious they aren't. We were snuggling on the couch after school yesterday and she was sticking her fingers in my mouth. I asked her to stop, but she wouldn't. Just as I was going to have to walk away, she stopped and said, "Hmmm...I am feeling hungry. Maybe that's why I am hitting!" After I passed out, we decided it would be a good idea to go to the kitchen for a snack before dinner. It was amazing. And her leaps in logic and communication and making me feel a little better every day about our timing for the growing human in my belly. 

Almost 23 Weeks

Speaking of human #2, he, yes, he has a penis, is doing very well. He is an active little guy and I am finding more and more joy in all his movements. Telling Lucy about the changes to come and having her respond with joy has also been a weight off my shoulders. When I was pregnant with her, I wondered how Jim and my relationship would be affected by becoming a family three. For most of this pregnancy, I have worried over how becoming a family of four will affect my relationship with my first Bub. I have no doubt our relationship will be disrupted, but I just as certain that we will find a way to adjust and adapt. She tells everyone we are getting a new baby, then pats my belly and tells everyone that he still has some growing left to do. We took her to 20 week ultrasound with us. Joanna came along to see the ultrasound and to give Lucy a break when she needed it. This was a good decision because he never stopped moving for the whole thing and kept blurring the pictures and measurements. I showed Lucy her ultrasound pictures the evening before and we talked about what we could expect. She has lots of questions and wanted to be close by me. I am really glad we took her. It was a great experience. Now we need a couple of names for this little guy. 

Maybe some day I'll feel like posting the whole story, but everything that happened with the alarmist, referral happy doctors after the ultrasound had me so stressed out that I actually got sick. Baby Sunny has a little fluid behind his kidneys and his nuchal translucency fold measured at 6.01, .01 above the cut-off of 6.0. Well, we ended up seeing a genetic counselor, doing an additional round of bloodwork, and being sent for a fetal eco-cardiogram. They were looking for signs of Downs Syndrome because of the .01mm thickness over the normal range. Baby Sunny was at a 1/10,000 chance of having Downs before all the medical bologna, and he remains at the same chance after all the bologna. It was awful and stressful. The kept saying things there were very serious in a very nonchalant way..."We aren't worry. We don't see any hard indicators of Downs. This is a very, very soft indicator that we don't really use much any more. But, go for a fetal eco-cardiogram." I don't want to be skeptical of the medical world. I want to trust them and believe that they aren't in it for the money alone. But all of those referrals were in-house and UCSF got a fat paycheck from my insurance for every extra, unnecessary test. The same insurance plan that covers all of that will only cover my care with the midwives at Pacifica Birthing Center at 60%. I spent almost three weeks being exhausted, stressed out, angry, and worried. They should have to pay for a month's worth of prenatal massage to make-up for that. 

Now that we are on the other side of all that, I should receive the rest of prenatal care from the midwives. I need to get a 32 week ultrasound to check on the fluid behind the kidneys, but I am going to insist that they look ONLY at the kidneys. I don't want to know anything else that they may or may not be worried about. We are going to tour the hospital next week to have some familiarity with it in the case that we need to transfer our care over there. I am proud to say that I still riding my bike as much as I was before I got pregnant. I bike Lucy to school, then to the YMCA to workout/swim, then up to campus, then home at the end of the day. Not having to fight and pay for parking is a joy. It is more tiring than it used to be, but I feel really good about it. My goal is to make it to December and six months pregnant, and it is looking like that is going to happen! I haven't been climbing recently and that really bums me out. I haven't had a partner recently and I don't like the impact of coming off the bouldering wall when I am this far along in pregnancy. I did complete the Turkey Trot 5K with Novalynn and Alorah on Thanksgiving in 46 minutes. I wasn't even sore the next day :-). 

Great Big Sister

This weekend we decided it was time to tell the Big Sister that she is going to be a Big Sister. She was amazingly mature and responsive. Lucy responded that we could call the baby Sunny and that she would carry it all around because it wouldn't be able to walk when it comes out of my belly. We gave her a bag of gifts to congratulate her, including a new Wee Baby Stella, that she hasn't put down since. She has even taught her new "special" baby to talk already. She wants her baby to be able to talk to her so she can get what she needs, not just cry. We got her two books. One about a little girl who becomes a big sister and one called "Baby on the Way." This book explains, in simple, but clear terms what is happening inside my body and what will change along the way. It briefly mentions the mommy's uterus and shows a picture of what it might be like for the baby on the inside. She didn't have too many questions, but she did ask if Jim has a baby in his belly. He got nervous about answering this, presuming this was a question of penis vs. vagina. I quickly answered that he can't have a baby because he doesn't have a uterus for the baby to grow in. Since then, she has told many people that her mommy has a baby, Sunny, in her belly, that she has a pretend baby in her own belly, and that daddy doesn't have one because he doesn't have a uterus. It makes me proud that she know has more sex ed than most adults with children in this country :-). 

Lulabean was so calm about the whole idea that it almost seemed as if she had some sort of spidey-sense that I had a baby in my belly and was just waiting for Jim and I to be ready to face the news. She knew she would carry the baby, sing it ABC's, and that it will cry for milkies from mama. She already settled on the idea that she would be a great teacher for the little sibling and was completely understanding that my body can't work in the same ways it could a few months ago. She even rearranged herself on the reading chair before bed so the baby could be comfortable. She immediately wanted to feel the baby kick, which can't quite be felt on the outside yet, but she is happy to pretend. 

I am still feeling very protective of her. We decided to take her to the 20 week ultrasound tomorrow and I wanted her to have some context for it. This evening I am going to show her the ultrasound pictures from her being in my belly. And we have been talking about what babies need for over a year now, long before we were even ready to have another baby. When she hears a baby cry, she tries to figure out what they might need. So far she has been gentle and kind with our neighbors new baby, Babybrothermo (one word :-). There are so many variables and too many hard things that may have to be explained to her. I cannot and do not intend to protect from everything. She is one sensitive little kid, though. Her feelings are hurt so easily and she cares so much for others. I can't imagine what we would do if "the plans changed," as we remind her frequently they may. I try to put it out of my head. She's my first born and even though she is certifiably a preschooler now, she will always be my baby. 

As can be seen from these pictures, Lucy and Jim have been growing in closeness. They spend loads of time reading together, much more than her and I. He forgot to put her in a pull-up last night and she soaked by the bed by the time I crawled in after a very long day on campus. I would have NEVER done this. He probably also spent most of the evening being present with her. Playing games, reading books, and doing works. She never got in the bath and they didn't brush her teeth. Nonetheless, I am overjoyed that they are getting along so well lately. They are going to be buds once this baby comes to meet our family and we are making an effort to start now. We also love, love, love that he has been primarily working from home for some time now. They often get dressed together in the morning, which saves me time and a headache. Yesterday he was in LA for work, we got into a power struggle over dressing, and she cried for him. She wanted to trade parents in the opposite direction of the rest of her life. This may hurt some moms feelings. I was thrilled and delighted and only frustrated that I couldn't tap out. 

Halloween this year was awesome. Not only was Lucy adorable in costume, but she was a delight to spend the evening with. She nailed "trick-or-treat" and even told a couple of people that we were looking for treats, not tricks. She said "thanks!" at every door and walked around the neighborhood for an hour. We let her eat one lollipop, one small chocolate, and one pack of gummy bears. She did ask for treats in the am, but we deflected and she didn't ask again, which is good because Jim and I have been enjoying her candy every day since :-). She was really into the idea of the holiday and loved decorating our apartments with painted pumpkins and the window clings my sister sent her. That means Jim and I can no longer ignore holidays. She is pumped for her chocolate cupcakes with strawberries on top with candles for her birthday. She wants the birthday song and is looking forward to the December birthday celebration at Nia House. This also means that we should probably get a Christmas tree this year. We are going to skip Santa coming to our house and just do some light presents from us. Jim's parents are planning to come and we'll have a nice meal and a lazy day of playing with them. And we will learn about Santa as a tradition and a symbol of the holiday. It is time to start some traditions with her that she can look forward to. Just not all of them.

Another Little Bisha Adventure

(19 Weeks)

Second baby, you are oh so different from your sister already. You were just as planned and just as wanted as your big sister, but everything about the start of your life is a 180 degree turn from Lucy's. The first trimester was an absolute dousy. Five weeks in, I got a stomach bug and didn't come out from the fog of that for another five weeks. Five weeks after that, and I finally had some energy back, which is good, because your big sis and your dad have a lot of energy. Now I am feeling well and riding bike and working out and feeling much more like myself. Not having the energy to give Lucy that I can usually give was really hard for me. I figured there would be an end point to the awful feelings, but they really knocked me out. I have also gained almost as much already as I did with Lucy on the day I gave birth to her. That has been really difficult to deal with, as well. This baby is already moving and grooving, though. I felt the first little flutter when we were falling asleep one evening at Disneyland last week and the baby has just been getting more and more active.

But circumstances are just different this time. No personal trainer, two bed apartment, ridiculous cost of living, one main income, and one kid already in private school full time. The first time around there was the same amount of anxiety. It was just an entirely different set of anxieties. We have a changing table, we have wipes, and diaper rash cream, and bottles, and I know how to breastfeed and pump, and I know just how tired we are going to be. I don't have a single worry about labor and delivery, I know what brand diapers to use and that we can parent together and be good enough at it. Mostly I am worried about Lucy. I am nervous about how our relationship will change, and I know it will. I also have no clue where and how everyone will sleep. No idea. We need an apartment where we can have a full size bed in another room. We put in for a transfer within the village. Then involves moving and transitions, though, and that all causes anxiety. A bigger apartment is more expensive, of course, and two children in care is going to be expensive, too. We'll do it. Short term sacrifices for long term gains. With Lucy, it wasn't easy, but I quit my job when she was 4 months old and we moved when she was 5 months old. I was taking the GRE and applying for grad school and we packed up and shipped out the West Coast. We are here now, and we aren't going any where until I graduate. I can take as much time as I need, but there isn't a huge savings any more to cover our expenses. My job doesn't bring in much, but it does cover some extras, like going to Disneyland and my health insurance. 

We haven't officially told Lucy yet, although she definitely knows in her own little almost 3 year old way. She looked at me point blank a few weeks ago and asked, "do you have a baby in your belly, mum?" I told her we would talk about it later. We want to have the 20 week ultrasound before we go making any big announcements to her sweet and tender soul. I think we will put together a little gift bag for her...a book, a card, a big sister shirt, and a special something. She loves gifts and is grateful if you find a rock and tell her you found it just for her. (She'll probably lose her mind with gratitude and joy on her birthday and Christmas this year). Our good friends just had a new baby a few weeks ago and he fell asleep in my arms yesterday. She curled up on the couch beside me and rubbed his tiny baby feet and soft hair with the most gentle, loving touch. I know it won't like that all the time when the baby doesn't go home, but we have started watching Daniel Tiger with his baby sister and we talk all the time about babies. "I hear a baby crying...I bet that baby needs milk and a diaper." And now when she hears a baby crying, she says the same thing. She'll be annoyed and we'll be all be exhausted for the first few months. Overall, a family of four sounds just right.

I have decided to receive prenatal care from a birthing center with midwives this time around. There are so many reasons that I don't have the energy to get into here and now. Mostly, I want to feel like people giving me care know and care about me. I don't want to stay in the hospital for three days away from first born and I don't want unnecessary medical intervention. I do want it if it is necessary, but only then. We will go tour the local hospital at some point in the third trimester in the event that we transfer our care over there. Typically, pregnancies and babies don't go as planned and we want to have all of our options. Besides insurance hassles, I love going to the birthing center and, after much toiling, feel like we have made the best for our family at this point in time. 

So, we are excited. And nervous. And we have so few worries that were there at this time three years ago and a million that we didn't know existed the first time around. Lucy is getting more independent every day and she is drawn to little ones. She loves being a "great teacher" and is so helpful I eat her up sometimes. Second baby, your going to round out our family. It is going to be great. It just might take a little time to get there. 

A Great, Beautiful Life

Our family continues to bed-share. Yes, STILL. There are some drawbacks, but the pros outweigh the cons. One of my favorite reasons for bed-sharing is the time Lucy and I spend talking about her day before we fall asleep. And I do fall asleep with her around 8:00 most nights! Yesterday as we laid down for her nap I asked if she wanted to share anything about her day. She told me it was "a great day because her day was beautiful!" She shares things at night in the quiet, still dark of the bedroom that she is otherwise too busy or distracted to tell me. This is sacred time together. Some nights she even asks me to talk about my day. This is when I hear about the day, new friends she is making in preschool, and stories from many months ago. Some nights she sequences 8-10-12 sentences to tell a complete story or to share a memory. Her vocabulary is booming, although that seems to be a trend for many years to come. At night she pulls out words from books we have read that it seems like she has been trying to figure out how to use for weeks. The other day she used actually and expect back to back in context. She is toying around with directional words and counts to 17, usually skipping 15 and then jumping to 20, but I wouldn't hear any of this if I dumped her in her bed and said good night. I look forward to this time night each night. Of course, it's not always magical. Sometimes she hits me or insists she is hungry or suddenly thinks life can't go on if she doesn't get one particular friend from the living room. And those times drive me nuts. And some day she'll give all this up for her friends or for alone time or for books or for whatever technology is available when she is a teenager. For now, I'll lay next to her and we'll talk her day.

Great and beautiful and perfect descriptions of who she is and is becoming every day. Her level of independence and cooperation has been sky-high recently. Getting shirts off is difficult, but other than she picks out her clothing and takes care of dressing. She has opinions about most everything and we are working on word choice accompanied by tone to get her point across. We have started working with her on saying "I changed my mind" in stead of launching her strawberries across the room or crying about the pants she is wearing. To my amazement, she has changed her mind and told us in a calm voice a number of times without prompting. It makes life so much more enjoyable for everyone and we are quick to reinforce her positive behavior. I have also begun talking about negotiations with her, compromising. Instead of throwing yourself on the ground and screaming because you wanted two minutes to work on your project, talk to me about it. Make me a deal. There is almost no moment when two more minutes can't be allowed, but for the love of all that's good, TALK about it. No fits. She is learning that communication is the key to getting what she needs and wants an is more and more willing to try new tactics. She still acts like a punk sometimes, hitting and biting, but there is most often a reason relating to basic needs for that. Daniel Tiger taught us to first say I'm sorry, then ask how we can help after we hurt someone. Lucy has been so receptive that feedback and has been redirecting after she hurts someone consistently and much more easily than even a month ago, it seems.

I attribute a large part of this sudden and recent growth to Lucy making the transition to preschool at Nia House. Instead of being the oldest, she is now one of the youngest. Because preschool goes through kindergarten, her peers are any where from 2.9 years to 6 years. There is a lot more verbal communication, higher level works, modeling by older peers, and less crying for caregivers to come back from her peers. The other day the director told us she got a demonstration about trinomial cubes from one of her 6 year old peers. Amazing. She is sometimes hesitant in the morning to go, but she seems to be learning a lot and getting more comfortable. At night, she sometimes mentions that the big kids tell her, "go away Lucy Baby!" and my heart breaks. I ask her objective questions, like what does she do, and how does that make her feel? Mostly she tells me she just walks away, or sometimes gets a teacher, or plays with her other friends. She has a "big sister" in preschool and the two of them are just drawn to each other.

Last week we took the plunge and went down to Anaheim to visit Disneyland. Lynn and Eileen flew in from NY and met us there as their annual fall visit. We had such a terrific time at Disney World that I have been drinking that magical Disney kool-aid every since. The trip was absolutely wonderful. Lucy was cooperative and followed directions and made things so easy. We also tried to be hyper-aware of her needs and our own. Hungry? Let's stop and eat. Going to miss a fastpass? Oh well. Tired? Let's go back to the hotel and nap. Didn't get to ride flight of Peter Pan? C'Est la Vie. That kid of ours does love meeting characters. A Disney "cast member" commented that kids who haven't seen the movies often love the characters more. They have no context for screen or real life and they haven't been exposed to the villainous ways of the bad guys.  Lucy definitely knew Minnie Mouse this time, and she remembered the traditional gang from our visit to Disney World, but other than that she just feel in love over and over with a bunch of enormous, fuzzy, and sometimes not so fuzzy, creatures she had never heard of.

We were spoiled rotten by 9 characters at a character breakfast at the Plaza Inn in the Disneyland park. They each spent so much time with us. Minnie and Sally Mouse taught Lucy how to do the sign for I love you. Chip brought her a perfectly manicured, fresh cut rose. Eeyore walked her inside the restaurant to get her some honey. She even kissed Captain Hooked and acted like Buzz Lightyear was her favorite character. And he is one intimidatingly large toy. The grown-ups got to ride almost all of the big people rides and Lucy loved the slowest, silliest rides, like Heimlich the Chew Chew train, the slowest moving, most low-key ride I have ever been on. She is still telling his story of being so hungry and eating the watermelon, then eating the cookies, then we had to get off to give other children a turn (one of her current favorite stories to sequence at night right now). We were absolutely exhausted when we got home. We stayed at the HoJo, which had the perfect kids swimming area, but for some reason no one slept well. And that trip was enough stimulation for at least the next three years. Jim had his doubts, but as you can see in the pictures, even he had a great time.

When we go again, and not if, but likely when, there are a few things I would do differently and some things that worked out well. I'll list them here because I can only imagine what the next three years will bring given the last three years!

• Either leave the park earlier for nap and then go back earlier to see the fireworks, etc. Or, leave a little later for nap and not go back at all.
• I am never stepping in Disneyland Park on a Saturday EVER again.
• CA Adventure is so great. Much smaller less people in general.
• Character breakfasts are great. Definitely do these on a park day. Definitely do at least one. 
• Don't plan anything on an off day. If it's an off day, just play in the pool and rest and bring cooperative games and "works" to do at the hotel.
• We didn't need nearly as many snacks as we brought. The meals are huge and we just didn't eat them.
• Fly next time and check a bag. The traffic on the way home was insane. We had to leave early, early in the am to get out of the Bay/our of LA. This worked on the way there, but not the way. We didn't need our car at all. And that is just not a fun drive.
• Use rider swap in addition to fastpass. Get a fastpass for one person for as many rides as there are grown-ups. Then tell the person working at the gate that you would like to do rider swap and you basically get a free fastpass for each person.  
  
  
• Buy souvenirs outside of the park at the Disney store in DT Disney. 
• Check closely to make sure you have the right ticket for the right magic hours. Extra magic hours are different than magic mornings. This screwed us. 
• Definitely use the extra magic hour and get there ten minutes before the gates open. This was truly the most magical time of day at the park and I wish we would have taken advantage of the full hour. That also means getting to bed on the early side the night before should be a priority.
• Thanks to a serious melt-down over not having pictures with my kid, it turns out I was actually on this trip. Jim really stepped up his game and took pictures, without even being asked. 

The neat part about going back somewhere a second time is that you learn so much the first time. Like I said, it will be another three years, and I can't believe we have done Disney World and Land with our kid. I never thought in a million years we would do either. But it really is a wonderful trip if the grown-ups can keep their heads on their shoulders and be aware of their own needs. On Tuesday, I crashed and burned and at about 2:00 told Jim, I am done. I have to leave the park. Now. And he didn't argue. He looked at me a little crooked, but after planning the whole trip and working to make sure everyone got to have fun, I suddenly felt completely exhausted. Completely worn out. And we had had a wonderful trip. I believe in stopping the game when you are up by 1. Everyone walks away feeling good and high on the excitement of it all. Lucy had one melt-down and one stroller nap protest, but it really was a successful trip. And that is the perfect time to throw in the towel and sit by the pool in the warm LA sun. 

Summer Time and the Livin' is, well, Busy

It is summer. It has been for about a month now. Classes are over for me. My caffeine addiction is going strong. I am having an amazingly difficult time finding the motivation to work on my two in progress papers. The time and energy I should be spending on those projects, I have spent rearranging and reorganizing our apartment. I have to say, I like what we have done and am feeling a bit more settled. At least for the next 20 minutes. I also started a part-time, six week job teaching summer school at a high school in San Lorenzo. This has been gratifying and the time back in a classroom was necessary. I am also volunteering at Nia House on Friday afternoons to do some bigger tasks that 1) I can't offer to tackle during the year, and 2) everyone at NH wants completed, but has not extra capacity for. This has included finishing the chicken coop, cleaning some outdoor spaces, fixing up and organizing the toddler kitchen, and painting shelving for the reorg of the toddler "works" storage loft. It is been really fun and some easy instant gratification. Now that I am done moving stuff around at our home, I am looking forward to moving stuff around at Nia House! In summary, I have found many other jobs and tasks to accomplish instead of papers, which feels crappy. But everyone needs an 8 week meal planner with grocery lists for August and photo memory books from Shutterfly and beautiful play rooms and fancy bed canopies!

We plan to camp for the next five or six weekends in a row. A fair chunk of the re-configuring time has been spent trying to make the camping schlep simpler. We don't have one spot where everything can be stored, like in a, what are those things called? Oh yeah...a garage. For now, everything is a bit more together. Jim built a "kitchen" and I have that stocked and ready to go. We have a better plan for setting up the van for car camping with a tent. We got to spend a weekend at Tahoe and slept in a Yurt! Our friend, Nick, was able to get a first come, first serve campsite. This is impossible anyway in California if you can only get there on a Friday night, let alone a Saturday morning. We rented a kayak and Lucy hasn't stopped talking about that experience. She loves the woods. We love the woods. We need a way to get out more and I am hell bent on making that happen this summer.

Last summer we did some outdoor adventure traveling in Utah, Wyoming, and South Dakota. Utah still stands as our favorite trip. This summer, we took 17 days and went all the way back to the East Coast. I wouldn't call it a vacation, but it was a wonderful trip. Because we took so much (and money) for that trip, we are only going to travel around California this summer. Not too shabby of a second place choice. We stayed in 8 places in 17 days and drove from Virginia Beach, up the Coast, out to Vermont, and across northern NY. It was more or less the reverse trip that we did before we left for Cali and we hadn't been back east since. We remembered all the reasons we left NY and didn't have any sentimental attachment, which I always have after we move. I still love Virginia. I love the Atlantic Ocean and the grungy beach towns and cheapy breakfast joints.

Most of all, we love the people we are so far from. We didn't spend one night in a hotel on our entire trip. We were hosted with love and food and clean towels every where we went. Those who were babies when we left are now little kids and many more babies exist that were only a glimmer in their parents eye the last time we drove through. Spending our days with college friends nursing babies, building igloos in the children's section of the museums, and walking through the zoo sober is a quite a change from almost 15 years ago. Many of those friends have been my family since I walked onto Virginia Tech's campus in the fall of 2003. I have never been more grateful for the impact they have had on my life, Jim's life, and now our small human's life. Extraordinary people aren't easy to come by. This trip took a lot of planning, thinking, and most of my bandwidth in the weeks leading up to it. It was worth every second of stress and preparation to see our dear family and friends who are family.

Our kid, the kid of two people who spent their entire lives before California on the East coast, had never seen lightening bugs, had never ran from the waves in the Atlantic, had never sweated off sunblock in the humidity. When we read about a lightening bug in a book, Lucy talks about catching them with Kyle and Andria. She talks about visiting the butterfly garden with Grammy and Grampy. She thinks every large building we go into is an aquarium or a museum after visiting the aquarium with Crystal and Clay in Va Beach, the Children's Museum in Norfolk, the American Indian Museum in Washington DC, the DC Zoo, and the Strong Museum of Play in Rochester. She loved having the full attention of so many grown-ups for so many days (although the transition was rough in more than just one way). We played in the ocean, we went to so many playgrounds I couldn't being to count them up.


The impetus for the trip was Kyler and Laura's wedding in Vermont, which was on an alpaca farm in the middle of no where, New England. Driving there was a pain, but the weekend was more fabulous than I every dreamed. We stayed in an Air BnB with Jim's immediate family. Lucy and I got to meet Hawk for the first time and Lucy got to re-meet and play with her young cousins. The place we stayed neighbored a small donkey farm and Lucy and the cousins were endlessly delighted by these creatures. We had been in so many cities that the fresh air was literally a breath of fresh air and the scenery couldn't be beat. In true Northeast fashion, the weather was crap, but the company was great. I got to watch Aunt Donna pour her love over Lucy. Moogie is now longer just the woman who says Lucy has to take off her pants with a fever, she is a real person. Lucy and Lilah are kindred spirits, as if they spent every weekend singing and dancing and playing together. Lucy danced until she couldn't any more then danced some more. In the morning, we showed up for brunch at the alpaca farm and she exclaimed, "where is my birthday party?" as if the wedding attendees had been an all night bender celebrated in her December birthday in June. Sophie and Iris were patient and took lots of time to be near her and dance her 'round and 'round on the dancefloor.

Lucy loves her Cali cousins nd they love her. My heart was full seeing her get to know even more special members of our family. I didn't have a safety net when I was a kid. There was no where to runaway to when I was a teenager. No cousins to blow bubbles and dance with. The family I knew was stuffy and judgmental and close in proximity by thousands of miles apart in their hearts. It has always been important to me to be the best Tia (and Gim) I can be for the Hosker girls. It is even more important to me that Lucy knows she has people. People who will love her, who she can call, who she can runaway to, spend lazy summer vacation with, and depend on if Jim and I aren't around. She has people. That's for sure. So many people. I am grateful beyond measure. It has taken me a LONG time, too long, to come around to accepting Jim's family. This is mostly due to not finding a place to accept my own family. Lucy shows me that everyone deserves love and patience. I have formulas and spreadsheets and boundaries to navigate all of this, but I am working every day on acceptance, on "peaceful and gentleness," and this trip, in mostly unexpected ways, nudged me a little closer in that direction.

Our splurge, full-blown tourist stop was Sesame Place in PA, a place I went one special time as ayoung girl. I only have learned memories of that day from pictures I have seen, and I was conflicted about taking Lucy there. She loves escalators and climbing stairs. This child does not need Disney, or Sesame Place, or anything extravagant. I am so happy we stopped, though. We all had a wonderful time at Sesame Place, until I made her go down a water slide ride with a giant, water spitting rubber duck in an uncomfortable life vest in very cold water. Every now again she reminds me not to take her on that water slide with the duck any more. It was scary and she did not like it. She just loves the characters, though. Even Big Bird, and he is one big bird! She blew so many kisses to Oscar the Grouch to cheer him up, that he finally gave her a  long head pat hug to appease her. She was especially drawn to Abby Caddaby and The Count. The funniest part of the day is that she loved that with no context and kept saying, "Look at....I don't know the name! Who is that? I love him! I want to hug him!" It was mid-week and pretty empty, so we had front row seats at all the shows and she got a lot of special attention from all the characters. It was an expensive, once in a lifetime day.

In many ways, I realize as a parent I overcompensate for many of things that were hard and painful about my own childhood. I get panicked about missing out on five critical minutes that brain growth or physical development could have happened. This is fading over time and has a lot to do with educational background. Knowing that we only get one chance. There are no redos in parenting. Of course, if I don't get her puzzles at the next level of difficulty at just the right moment, she probably has equal chances of getting into college. We can make her childhood magical, though. My life as a 32 year-old parent is dramatically different that the lives my parents were experiencing at this age. I was afforded the opportunity to give my kid a different kind of life than I had and I intend to. Some things are the same. I want to teach her to sew. We cook and bake together. I make funny shaped pancakes and we read loads of books, visit the library, and fill her with love. But we can also take her to Disneyworld and Disneyland, and Sesame place, and every children's museum and aquarium we come across. Sometimes I panic and think those things won't be special treats to her because they are part of her normal life. Then I realize I want them to part of her normal life. It's half the reason we moved to the Bay Area; we want to be surrounded by the land of opportunity. Why shouldn't Lucy have it if we can give it to her? I digress...

 Virginia Beach Aquarium with Crystal and Clay: Virginia Beach, VA

Strong Museum of Play: Rochester, NY
Lucy spent the most time of anywhere we visited in the "house" section

First lightening bug catch with Kyle: Norfolk, VA

Norfolk Children's Museum with Kyle and Andria: Norfolk, VA

Norfolk Children's Museum with Kyle and Andria: Norfolk, VA

Mer, Ben, and Adam's House: Washington, DC

National Museum of the American Indian with Mer and Adam: Washington, DC

National Museum of the American Indian with Mer and Adam: Washington, DC

Bear Mountain State Park with Ruthie: Cornwall, NY

Strong Museum of Play, Wegman's Store, Rochester

Carousel: Strong Museum of Play, Rochester 

Construction Site: Strong Museum of Play, Rochester

Strong Museum of Play Butterfly Garden, Rochester

Smithsonian Zoo with Dan Noonan

 Recently, Jim convinced me to turn Lucy's seat carseat around to face forward. She rode this way throughout our trip and it actually made riding in the car with her pretty nice. On one of our longer stretches of 2.5 hours, we all chatted for almost 2 hours. No snacks, no screens, no music, just talking. We spent a lot of time looking for excavators and lifters and school buses and drump trucks :-). This has led to a new fascination with construction vehicles and a entirely new set of vocabulary. This was a delightful surprise. She has been a real pill about riding in the car since we left the hospital when she was born. She has always had little tolerance for everything about it. "Drive at nap time or nighttime" everyone tells us. Then the screaming is louder and she doesn't get the sleep she needs. "Sit with her!" they all say. You can't believe the extravagant measures we go to to make car rides more sane. It doesn't stop us from going any more, but it did when she was a baby. Now that we can talk together, hand her things to manage on her own, listen to books from Audible, and have family sing along, things are much more pleasant. I imagine doing this trip a year ago would have been much less enjoyable. There were absolutely no car melt downs on this trip. Daniel Tiger, lollipops, and gummies certainly helped ;-).

All things considered, and ignoring the worst melt down she has literally EVER had on the plane on the way home, not accounting for the jet lag and the bumpy transition back to normal life with school and jobs and stuff, we had a great trip. It was not a vacation, but it was a success. Lucy now has working memories of all the people we show her pictures of, tell her about, and miss so much. Hopefully everyone will come to visit us at some point in the next two years.