Our little bean is becoming more and more of her own person each day. She is full of personality, spunk, love, and attitude. I wish I could remember all of the funny things she says, but two of my favorites include: "Look, a cement truck! Aww, I love cement trucks! They make me file (smile)." and "Dad, I don't like your face." Fuzz (her most recent nickname) is becoming more assertive as she grows more confident. We are working on using a stern, but respectful voice. It's a fine parenting balance to let her get her feelings hurt while helping her with the tools to protect herself. I find it very easy to let other kids "work things out," but when it's my kid who may have her feelings hurt, I want to throttle other 3 and 4 year olds. It's a gut reaction I never would have anticipated after all the years I have spent working on behavior with kids. When should she just walk away? When should she stand-up for others? When is it time to tell a friend you can't be friends any more? 3 years old seems so young to be dealing with this, but peers are already her biggest influence. Then there are the even harder times when Lucy is the one causing trouble or using words that aren't kind. Everything in parenting is walking a fine line.
Lucy recently stopped napping. Completely. She slowly weened herself off and we all saw it coming, but no one wanted to admit it, including her teachers. Her teachers at Nia House say they don't see many 3 year-olds stop napping and they feel a bit defeated. She lays on her bed for a full hour with a quiet and still body, but just won't fall to sleep. Two weeks ago I took her swimming, then to the playground and I knew she would fall asleep. An hour she was laying still, talking softly to herself, but no sleep. So I threw in the towel after that. Now we are doing quiet, alone, rest time. I have been passing out in the nest in the living room after reading for a little and she stays in her room for an hour. I need to rest at almost 38 weeks pregnant on the weekends and we all need some space. It has been working well. Really well, in fact. The only trouble is bedtime. She is ready to be asleep by about 7:00, but it's difficult to get dinner and bedtime routine work completed by 6:45 so she can be asleep by 7:00. Every now and again she falls asleep for a little a school and it is apparent that evening. She joyfully does her nighttime work and crawls in bed with no tears. On no nap days they only way to avoid power struggles and tears is by skipping a bath. Needless to say, she has been taking way fewer baths recently. We try to coax her into the bath before dinner, but she usually wants time to play after school and before dinner. As with all things with little kids and babies, things are always changing. At least she falls asleep in under 10 minutes at bedtime. She basically hits the pillow and passes out for the next 12 hours (barring needing to pee and a sudden increase in dreams that make her call out in the night).
This winter is going well, otherwise. Quitting my job was a great emotional and mental move. Not so great financially, but I have to keep reminding myself we are making short-term sacrifices for long-term gains. I am pushing, pushing, pushing forward trying to get my three position papers mostly wrapped up before baby, but at this point I am on borrowed time. My adviser at SFSU has two of the papers now and it is making me bananas just waiting on him to move forward. I am a bit of a lame duck this week and don't have any work to be doing until I get that feedback. If nothing else, I reached the pre-baby academic goals I set in December. I can work more on my papers in the spring while wearing baby sunny in a carrier or on the weekends. Revisions are easier than creating drafts and it should just be revisions from here on out, at least for these three position papers. We did make it up to Tahoe for our annual snow trip. Sadly, there wasn't much snow and what was on the ground was frozen solid. We had a nice trip, any way. It was so relaxing to see stars and breathe in the fresh air. Lucy had a great time "sleighing" and can't wait to go back next year to try out skiing. Jim got to spend a day skiing at Squaw for the first time. I waddled around in way too tight winter gear sized to fit not-pregnant me.
In contrast to snow, we have been trying to get on the weekends to do some hiking/walking in new places. Besides swimming and gentle gym workouts, I am down to walking for activity. I was still biking Lucy to school as of last week, but the consequences of falling or getting hit are starting to bother me just a little much. It has been fun to get out and see some new places for hiking together. Lucy even let Jim carry her in the hiking backpack for a little bit a few weeks ago, but she is mostly hiking on her own. That means we have a nice time and Lucy builds stamina and love for the woods. Jim and I don't necessarily get exercise, but if we want to get out with our kids, we have to make sure they have a foundation of enjoyment before we schlep them off on long hikes with packs and climbing gear. I am REALLY hoping we can do an Oregon road trip this summer, but Jim is doubtful. Being back to one income isn't so inspiring when thinking about vacation. Hopefully we will get to leave the Bay Area for good once I graduate and touring Oregon and Washington are on my bucket list before we go. There are also a few spots on Southern CA I still want to visit, so we may just do that this summer.
This Thursday makes 38 weeks pregnant. My belly is about as big as Texas, but I feel great. Tired easily and sometimes moody, but my body feels strong and ready for labor and delivery. Every so often the left side of my lower back acts up, but it always feels better after a night's rest. Sunny has been head down, spine up for months now. He usually sits catawampus to the right, with both of his tiny feet kicking around on that side, but recently a little foot came over the the left side. Lucy keeps telling everyone, "two more weeks!" as she starts to figure out the ambiguity of time. She kisses my belly, sings to Sunny, and reads him stories. She even feels "big sister only" kicks at times when I don't even feel him move. Even though things will be harder once he is actually here, she is so positive about growing our family now and that helps comfort me a lot. I have finally stopped having worried dreams about Lucy and started having dreams about our baby boy. Mostly they seem related to nursing him, for whatever reason. Jim and I went and toured the Labor and Delivery unit at the hospital, although we are still on for a natural birth at Pacifica Birthing Center with midwives only. I don't want to to be ancy already, but I do feel ready for this kid at any time. With Lucy, I wanted her stay in and cook for as long as possible, but this time I am more ready to have my body back. It's tough to move around on the floor and play around with a preschooler when my belly is sticking ten feet out. Fuzz Bean is incredibly understanding and kind about it, reminding me I can run with again once Baby Sunny comes out of my belly. I am looking forward to that. For now, I am soaking in our last weeks as a family of three, with the one who made me a mama. We have grown lots of love for a new member of our family and are ready to welcome him. And to stop peeing every 20 minutes. But, as with so many parenting challenges, we are not in control :-).
