Four Months of Fantastic

Milestones Galore

This past week or so has been a big week for our family. Lucy has transitioned to sleeping in her own bed in her own room. She is mostly happy about the transition about even woke up yesterday and stayed in her room playing for the first minutes of the day. She often comes over to our bed in the middle of the night. One of us takes her back to her room and snuggles for ten minutes, then leaves her to sleep. Usually, she is back asleep by the time we are done with our ten minutes. It is obvious she is looking for closeness and is experiencing some amount of loneliness in there at night. She is perfectly happy to be in the alone for quiet rest time or for extended periods of time playing, but nighttime can just feel so lonely. She feels far away from me, too, and I'm happy to snuggle for a few minutes until she feels comfortable on her own. I am now seeing the downside to keeping a little one in the parents' room for so long. I just really loved having her close by. Last week she discovered my American Girl dolls and has been playing with them nonstop. I think she is amused by their eyes opening and closing as they change positions. It brings me endless joy to see her playing with my beloved dolls. Hopefully, we will devour the books together like my mom and I did when I was a kid.

Cooper is sleeping in his own room now, too! The closet remodel is complete and he has his own space. The first sleep in his bed was 55 minutes of crying, but with ups and downs of calmness and then finally to sleep. Joanna stayed with me the entire time, knowing that I would go in and get him. It sucks to go in halfway through because then 20 minutes of crying was totally pointless. He was giving us all the signs that he is ready for a consistent and predictable schedule, including a sleep routine. He has taken to falling asleep on my shoulder after about five minutes of rocking him and singing, "Sleepy Baby." This is a far cry from bouncing endlessly on the yoga ball, or in the front carrier, only to have him wake up 15-20 minutes later. He takes short naps still, 20-40 minutes, but even 5 20 minute sessions of hands-free time allows me to feel halfway like myself again. I am much more energized when he is awake and enjoy the predictability, as well. No day is the same, but having a routine of napping in his bed every 1.5-2 hours, eating and diaper after a nap, playtime and reading on the mat, outside and/or neighborhood walk, and back to a quick rock for a nap is making a huge difference in everyone's lives. Lucy is generally respectful of his sleep time much more so when he is in his bed than when he is on me. I make a point to play with her non-stop for at least one of his naps on the weekend. I could feel my anxiety start to soar and my shortness and impatience with Jim and Lucy were wearing all of us out. Boy, do I wish I would have had a Joanna to support me when Lucy was a tiny baby. Thank goodness we have her now. She gives me the courage and rationality to do the things for these kids that are right, but hard.

My other two big supports for this new sleep gig have been Aunt Donna and Amanda, a toddler teacher at Lucy's school. They both provided me with a plan of action and ongoing support. It is has been crucial to feel like I have a village to tackle sleep. Clearly, we didn't do well with Lucy and sleep and it's not sustainable for anyone to approach it in the same way. The first night that both of my children were asleep in their own beds, I picked up a book Amanda loaned me called "Montessori Toddler." It gave me the chance to step back and see where I had been going awry with Lucy. She has had a very clear uptick in screaming, yelling tantrums recently. In one day of adjusting my approach every so slightly, she is doing much better. Some things I am specifically working are on not breaking her concentration, asking only one thing of her at a time, never saying "hurry up" but exchanging rushing for phrases like "I need you to focus on putting on shoes" instead. Life definitely feels slower and I used to hate that. It currently feels like exactly what our family needs. We will get back to traveling and visiting museums and trying out new parks. For now, we are enjoying our neighborhood and refinding joy with one another. Last Thursday evening was the specifically and clearly the first moment I looked at my two strong, healthy, happy, wonderful children and enjoyed them. I felt completely full as their mama. Sleep is an amazing tool.

Cooper is literally rocking and rolling. He travels all over the living room rolling from front to back and back to front, although sometimes he thinks he is stuck on his belly. He has become interested in toys and likes to push his feet against someone's hand to squirm himself across the floor to go after what he wants. He seems like a very motivated little guy. He is really enjoying his play gym and loves grabbing (and not just batting at) the toys hanging from it. He is working on grabbing the free hanging ring attached to bells. Because it moves more freely, it is an additional challenge for him to grab it and not just bop it. As with Lucy, I am trying to provide rich language experiences when the time is appropriate, and not when he is concentrating. He found his baby feet this past weekend and can't stop grabbing them, which is one of the cutest things babies do, in my opinion :-). Coopy James still loves chatting and making eye contact. Every once in a while you can even get a chuckle out of him. He gives "besitos" now, too; nice, big, slobbery kisses on the cheek. It's to die for. He started refuses a bottle about two weeks ago after not seeing one for about a month, but with some diligence, he is back at it, chugging 4-5 ounces at a time and pulling the bottle to his mouth when he sees it. I don't love pumping and giving him a bottle when I'm around, but the point is I'm not always around. Jim and I feel much calmer now that he is taking a bottle again. Pumping is going well and my boobs seem to have a found a level ground with Cooper. No more engorgement and the milk blister is still there but doesn't hurt or cause internal pain at this point. Our baby boy will be 4 months old tomorrow and things are really starting to come (back) together.

We had Joanna with us for the past five weeks and now that she is back to work I am a bit lost, as I always am when her time with us expires. This time around I am incredibly willing to ask for help. It makes a big difference in my health all around to have someone come in and support our family, which is why we are keeping a cleaning person for at least the semester. To have Joanna around for our second child is a joy and privilege I never imagined we would get to experience. I am grateful for her every day.

Big Sister, Little Brother

Two months since I last posted? Life sure is different transitioning to a family of four than it was to a family of three. In some respects, there is a lot less pressure and anxiety, and in other respects, there is a ton more. Most of my worry now comes from wanting to be sure everyone is getting what they need when they need it, including my husband. That just can't happen every moment of every day with two little humans. The most inhibiting factor for me is tiredness, so that's what we are tackling now.

We are all doing our best to keep a balance and share our love and energy around. But it gets hard, especially at bedtime. We just finished an overhaul of our apartment, which caused temporary upheaval so that we could turn our storage closet into a tiny bedroom for Cooper. Most of the baby stuff is out of the second bedroom, which we are calling Lucy's room. She spent a lot of time in there over the weekend now that things are organized and in on place. Her stuff had migrated all over the apartment. A little in our room for quiet rest time so I could use the changing table and rocking chair in her room, puzzles in the hallway, books in every room (which is just fine by me), stuff in the kitchen, all over the patio. It was turning into total chaos. We are going to spend two weeks in NY at the beginning of August. When we return home, Lucy is going to start sleeping in her room alone, I'm going back in the bed with my husband (who I miss), and Cooper is going to at least start out the night in his own space. Sleep is one of our biggest parenting weaknesses and one of the things we still aren't doing that well with Lucy. I'm hoping that everyone having their own space makes a difference this time around. 

I was home with Lucy for 8 months before I started my Ph.D. program. With Cooper, I'm currently home all day every day with Joanna coming a few days a week so I can work on school stuff and have a little time to do other things (like this blog). I'm grateful and thrilled to have so much time with both of my babies as infants, but I need to keep progressing through my program. When Lucy was 3 months old I quit my job and became fully occupied with her development. This time we are striking a better balance of work and family and I know that I don't have to narrate every action for Cooper to grow and develop at a normal rate. My anxiety is much lower, but I do need to get more sleep soon. 

Cooper is a wonderful, calm, smiley little better. He loves to be around his big sister and she adores him. She sings him silly songs and he smiles from ear to ear. He goes to sleep fairly easily in the carrier on the yoga ball in my arms. Witching hour seems to have come and gone. Coopy seems like he is starting to fall into something of a normal, consistent, if not every changing, routine. He is wakeful for up to 2 hours at this point and enjoys batting at the toys on his play gym. We are trying out some Montessori techniques with him that we weren't aware of before Nia House, like mobiles. I made him a couple using metallic paper to reflect the light and he can spend quite a bit of time watching them. I am also trying to give him more time and space to concentrate and do his "work" than I did with Lucy. 

Recently, he started holding onto toys and is definitely in the "grasping" phase of development. I am hopeful he will continue to be more and interested in grabbing onto objects to help make car rides less painful. Yes, that's right. Both of our babies HATE being in the car. Cooper will fall asleep more often than Lucy did, which was never, but after 10am he seems to just throw in the towel. In fact, he cried the entire 1.5 hours home from my sister's house in Stockton on the 4th of July. Amazingly, our exhausted Lucy was patient and loving and seemed to block out his screams. 

Physically, he is a very strong little guy. Since about two months, Cooper has loved grasping onto someone's hands and holding on tight to sit up. He can control his neck and head in both the up and down motion, from lying flat to sitting and back down again. If held at a 45-degree angle on a lap, he can and will fling himself upright in an attempt to sit straight up. If he was strong enough, he would be standing up already. He loves to bounce and move and pushes way up on his chest during tummy time. When he is on his belly, he brings his feet under himself and puts his butt in the air. Cupertino can actually move quite far like this. He has rolled over from his front to his back many, many times, and has rolled from his back to his front a handful of times. The baby play gym has begun to provide a source of entertainment for him. He loves talking to the objects hanging from it and started batting at them with a closed fist a couple weeks ago. A few days ago he grabbed one of the toys by the ring to pull on it. In true Montessori fashion, I am going to hang a ring on elastic with bells so when he pulls on the ring he gets visual and auditory feedback.

He is over 16 pounds at 15 weeks! (Lucy was 12 pounds at 12 weeks). He is doing so well eating and typically only takes 8-10 minutes to eat a full meal. We hadn't given him a bottle in a few weeks due to a fruitful attempt at reducing my over-supply issue. When Joanna gave him one yesterday, she gave him hell. He ended up taking the bottle from me, which surprised me. Today Cooper gave her hell again, but eventually took the bottle from me and I transferred him to Joanna. He didn't like it and insisted I stay close by, but he did eat while she held him, and I rubbed his head and talked to him. Looks like we messed this one up and will have to give him a bottle every day until he gets accustomed to it again. This is such a bummer because he was taking a bottle with no issues a few weeks ago. We will have to press on! Hopefully switching to a faster flow nipple will help.

In the fall, Allison will take care of Cooper three days a week. She used to be an assistant in Lucy's classroom and I am so grateful that we have found someone we already know and trust. This is a huge stress relief. I'm hoping to get back on my bike and take Lucy to school. I miss my girl dearly and it's hard to have our relationship change so much in so little time. I'm looking forward to taking her to school, just the two of us. Although we can't bike yet with Cooperbeano (probably not until close to 10-12 months old), we have been walking to Nia House in the morning. Coop usually sleeps in the carrier (he won't ride in the stroller for more than 5 blocks and not at all if he is tired) and Lucy and I have a chance to chat, sing, rhyme, and look for patterns. We have been talking about routes and directions and even found a raspberry patch along Ninth Street to stop and enjoy on the way. I get some morning exercise in, Cooper doesn't cry the whole way in the car, and Lucy and I get to spend some time together.

Lucy has fallen seamlessly into her new role in our family. There has been an uptick in whining, but it seems pretty clear that she is responding to less attention and more stress in our family. Jim and I have been snippy with each other and we really need to check our tone of voice in front of her. She's a sensitive kid and I want her to feel safe and loved at all times. We started a new sleep routine with Lucy in which one of us will spend ten minutes tucking her in. We got set of colored sand timers and she responds well to the visual cue they provide, so we are using the "red ten-minute timer" and then saying, "I love you, it's time for sleep, good night." It has gone surprisingly smoothly the last two nights and it seems she was completely ready to let go of some sleep crutches. I don't know what my hang up is about teaching my kids to sleep. I would think any other family would be insane for treating sleep the way we do. She is definitely ready to cut out some sleep associations. We have been the real obstacle.

Lately, Lucy is loving playing in the courtyard. We have a new to us hand me down scooter she is enjoying and Jim built her a swing with wood scraps and an old climbing rope. She prefers to play outside over anything else and keeps asking if we can go back to the "cozy new house" at Lake Tahoe. I am sad that we can't take her out as much this summer to hike and climb, but the courtyard is a nice alternative. I don't know she'll do the day we live in our own house and no one else shows up when she goes into the backyard. The courtyard is a treasure that I take for granted and that I'm sure we'll miss.  We have managed to get to the beach a number of times this summer, including a (stressful) day trip to Santa Cruz. Jim LOVES playing in the water and had the brilliant idea to start taking our rainy boots with us to the beach because the water is so darn cold. These East Coast parents never would have imagined wearing rain boots to the beach, but it's been a ton of fun. We did find a spot on the bay that has shade and warm water before the tide comes in and that was tons of fun.

Lou has really been into making rainbows, people, and books lately. She made 18 pages of work in her art loft on Saturday and asked Jim to staple them together to make a book. Then, she reads us a story from it. Her art has suddenly developed into more intentional, sophisticated work. She is drawing people with arms, legs, hair, facial features, and I even get a hair bow sometimes. Her random line drawing has turned into rainbows of various colors. She is into patterns and naming colors by their "fancy" names, like lavender, turquoise, and sky blue. She has also been really into processes lately, especially explaining things in a sequence, albeit not always accurately :-). For example, we retired some shoes the other day that she has outgrown and she gave Jim a long explanation, including old sizes and new sizes and the plan going forward. I wish we had it on video, but hopefully, this note is enough of a memory.

Well, hopefully it will be less than two months before I can jot down a bit about our lives the next time. I'm enjoying baby snuggles, but it's a lot to have 23 hour a day responsibility for a baby. Nursing, although so important to me, is a full-time commitment that generates no income, creates exhaustion and isolation, and leaves me feeling drained much of the time. I am grateful to have the opportunity to nurse both my babies. I am also looking forward to the 6-month mark of introducing solid foods so other people can be partially responsible for this baby's caloric intake. Even when Joanna is here for 3 hours, I get about 1.5 hours that to myself and even then I'm listening for anything Cooper might need.

It's tough to make much progress in a Ph.D. program like that. I'm waiting on a final signature for my final position paper. While I wait, I am going to begin preparing for my oral Qualifying Exam. That work will (hopefully) start today when Joanna arrives. And then all that's left is the dissertation proposal and completion! No biggie, right?! I really need to make a list of the pros of doing this damn program, like time to be with my baby, a chance to live in Berkeley at a subsidized rental rate, exploring California, purging so much extra crap to live in small space, and meeting so many extraordinary people and fellow moms. It gets hard to see the forest for the trees when I'm in the thick of it, healing from a c-section, and adapting to a major family transition all while losing my income and still having to pay tuition. I am hopeful I will be able to take a teaching GSI on campus in the spring, as long as I pass my quals this fall.

I am aching to go on a vacation and have my heart set on Hawaii while we still live in the Bay Area. Traveling from Oakland to Honolulu is the cheapest and shortest way to get to Hawaii and I'm not sure we will live here after I graduate. Jim had the brilliant idea to put a monetary value on each milestone so that as I complete them, I can shift the designated amount into a fund for a "post-graduation yay we survived a Ph.D., cost of living in the Bay, with two babies" celebratory trip. Disney has a resort, called Aulani, that looks like heaven on earth. It's outrageously expensive, but if we start saving now, I know we can stay there for a couple of nights before moving to an Air BnB. I need some motivation and something to look forward to if I want to graduate, and boy do I want to graduate.