A Great, Beautiful Life

Our family continues to bed-share. Yes, STILL. There are some drawbacks, but the pros outweigh the cons. One of my favorite reasons for bed-sharing is the time Lucy and I spend talking about her day before we fall asleep. And I do fall asleep with her around 8:00 most nights! Yesterday as we laid down for her nap I asked if she wanted to share anything about her day. She told me it was "a great day because her day was beautiful!" She shares things at night in the quiet, still dark of the bedroom that she is otherwise too busy or distracted to tell me. This is sacred time together. Some nights she even asks me to talk about my day. This is when I hear about the day, new friends she is making in preschool, and stories from many months ago. Some nights she sequences 8-10-12 sentences to tell a complete story or to share a memory. Her vocabulary is booming, although that seems to be a trend for many years to come. At night she pulls out words from books we have read that it seems like she has been trying to figure out how to use for weeks. The other day she used actually and expect back to back in context. She is toying around with directional words and counts to 17, usually skipping 15 and then jumping to 20, but I wouldn't hear any of this if I dumped her in her bed and said good night. I look forward to this time night each night. Of course, it's not always magical. Sometimes she hits me or insists she is hungry or suddenly thinks life can't go on if she doesn't get one particular friend from the living room. And those times drive me nuts. And some day she'll give all this up for her friends or for alone time or for books or for whatever technology is available when she is a teenager. For now, I'll lay next to her and we'll talk her day.

Great and beautiful and perfect descriptions of who she is and is becoming every day. Her level of independence and cooperation has been sky-high recently. Getting shirts off is difficult, but other than she picks out her clothing and takes care of dressing. She has opinions about most everything and we are working on word choice accompanied by tone to get her point across. We have started working with her on saying "I changed my mind" in stead of launching her strawberries across the room or crying about the pants she is wearing. To my amazement, she has changed her mind and told us in a calm voice a number of times without prompting. It makes life so much more enjoyable for everyone and we are quick to reinforce her positive behavior. I have also begun talking about negotiations with her, compromising. Instead of throwing yourself on the ground and screaming because you wanted two minutes to work on your project, talk to me about it. Make me a deal. There is almost no moment when two more minutes can't be allowed, but for the love of all that's good, TALK about it. No fits. She is learning that communication is the key to getting what she needs and wants an is more and more willing to try new tactics. She still acts like a punk sometimes, hitting and biting, but there is most often a reason relating to basic needs for that. Daniel Tiger taught us to first say I'm sorry, then ask how we can help after we hurt someone. Lucy has been so receptive that feedback and has been redirecting after she hurts someone consistently and much more easily than even a month ago, it seems.

I attribute a large part of this sudden and recent growth to Lucy making the transition to preschool at Nia House. Instead of being the oldest, she is now one of the youngest. Because preschool goes through kindergarten, her peers are any where from 2.9 years to 6 years. There is a lot more verbal communication, higher level works, modeling by older peers, and less crying for caregivers to come back from her peers. The other day the director told us she got a demonstration about trinomial cubes from one of her 6 year old peers. Amazing. She is sometimes hesitant in the morning to go, but she seems to be learning a lot and getting more comfortable. At night, she sometimes mentions that the big kids tell her, "go away Lucy Baby!" and my heart breaks. I ask her objective questions, like what does she do, and how does that make her feel? Mostly she tells me she just walks away, or sometimes gets a teacher, or plays with her other friends. She has a "big sister" in preschool and the two of them are just drawn to each other.

Last week we took the plunge and went down to Anaheim to visit Disneyland. Lynn and Eileen flew in from NY and met us there as their annual fall visit. We had such a terrific time at Disney World that I have been drinking that magical Disney kool-aid every since. The trip was absolutely wonderful. Lucy was cooperative and followed directions and made things so easy. We also tried to be hyper-aware of her needs and our own. Hungry? Let's stop and eat. Going to miss a fastpass? Oh well. Tired? Let's go back to the hotel and nap. Didn't get to ride flight of Peter Pan? C'Est la Vie. That kid of ours does love meeting characters. A Disney "cast member" commented that kids who haven't seen the movies often love the characters more. They have no context for screen or real life and they haven't been exposed to the villainous ways of the bad guys.  Lucy definitely knew Minnie Mouse this time, and she remembered the traditional gang from our visit to Disney World, but other than that she just feel in love over and over with a bunch of enormous, fuzzy, and sometimes not so fuzzy, creatures she had never heard of.

We were spoiled rotten by 9 characters at a character breakfast at the Plaza Inn in the Disneyland park. They each spent so much time with us. Minnie and Sally Mouse taught Lucy how to do the sign for I love you. Chip brought her a perfectly manicured, fresh cut rose. Eeyore walked her inside the restaurant to get her some honey. She even kissed Captain Hooked and acted like Buzz Lightyear was her favorite character. And he is one intimidatingly large toy. The grown-ups got to ride almost all of the big people rides and Lucy loved the slowest, silliest rides, like Heimlich the Chew Chew train, the slowest moving, most low-key ride I have ever been on. She is still telling his story of being so hungry and eating the watermelon, then eating the cookies, then we had to get off to give other children a turn (one of her current favorite stories to sequence at night right now). We were absolutely exhausted when we got home. We stayed at the HoJo, which had the perfect kids swimming area, but for some reason no one slept well. And that trip was enough stimulation for at least the next three years. Jim had his doubts, but as you can see in the pictures, even he had a great time.

When we go again, and not if, but likely when, there are a few things I would do differently and some things that worked out well. I'll list them here because I can only imagine what the next three years will bring given the last three years!

• Either leave the park earlier for nap and then go back earlier to see the fireworks, etc. Or, leave a little later for nap and not go back at all.
• I am never stepping in Disneyland Park on a Saturday EVER again.
• CA Adventure is so great. Much smaller less people in general.
• Character breakfasts are great. Definitely do these on a park day. Definitely do at least one. 
• Don't plan anything on an off day. If it's an off day, just play in the pool and rest and bring cooperative games and "works" to do at the hotel.
• We didn't need nearly as many snacks as we brought. The meals are huge and we just didn't eat them.
• Fly next time and check a bag. The traffic on the way home was insane. We had to leave early, early in the am to get out of the Bay/our of LA. This worked on the way there, but not the way. We didn't need our car at all. And that is just not a fun drive.
• Use rider swap in addition to fastpass. Get a fastpass for one person for as many rides as there are grown-ups. Then tell the person working at the gate that you would like to do rider swap and you basically get a free fastpass for each person.  
  
  
• Buy souvenirs outside of the park at the Disney store in DT Disney. 
• Check closely to make sure you have the right ticket for the right magic hours. Extra magic hours are different than magic mornings. This screwed us. 
• Definitely use the extra magic hour and get there ten minutes before the gates open. This was truly the most magical time of day at the park and I wish we would have taken advantage of the full hour. That also means getting to bed on the early side the night before should be a priority.
• Thanks to a serious melt-down over not having pictures with my kid, it turns out I was actually on this trip. Jim really stepped up his game and took pictures, without even being asked. 

The neat part about going back somewhere a second time is that you learn so much the first time. Like I said, it will be another three years, and I can't believe we have done Disney World and Land with our kid. I never thought in a million years we would do either. But it really is a wonderful trip if the grown-ups can keep their heads on their shoulders and be aware of their own needs. On Tuesday, I crashed and burned and at about 2:00 told Jim, I am done. I have to leave the park. Now. And he didn't argue. He looked at me a little crooked, but after planning the whole trip and working to make sure everyone got to have fun, I suddenly felt completely exhausted. Completely worn out. And we had had a wonderful trip. I believe in stopping the game when you are up by 1. Everyone walks away feeling good and high on the excitement of it all. Lucy had one melt-down and one stroller nap protest, but it really was a successful trip. And that is the perfect time to throw in the towel and sit by the pool in the warm LA sun.