Two Months Growing

Gratitude in the Night

Since we became parents, Jim and I have agreed consistently on one thing...having little kids is the longest shortest time. The minutes can go by so slowly, but I feel like I blinked and our baby is 7 weeks old and our kid is 3.5. These past 7 weeks have had so many moments that felt like the world was coming to an end. I have even had some dark moments of questioning why we couldn't have been content as a family of three, a deeply disturbing place to be for a sleep deprived, post-surgery mama. Most of the long moments have to do with basic needs, or a lack thereof. And the main need for me is more sleep. If I get a couple 2-3 hour stretches at night without being awake for more than 45 mins in between feedings plus a decent nap and some fresh air every day, things feel much saner. In fact, on those days, I love our little family our four. I can savor my days with Cooper and stare at him while he sleeps. I can find love and gratitude in everything. We have a healthy baby and big sister who are both home with us in a warm, clean home with lots of food and creature comforts. I can even muster up gratitude at 3am for a baby that didn't have to go to the NICU so that I can hold him and love him in the middle of the night. I'm even grateful for my breast pump, for my c-section, and for my husband's job. But if I don't get enough sleep, which isn't even that much right now, things go downhill fast. As much as I don't want to wish time away, I'm looking forward to seeing my little play together, to the end of witching hour each evening, and a more predictable, if not ever changing, routine.

Cooper continues to be a pretty laid back little guy. He loves to be held and this can be done with him in the front carrier (which is where he is as I type). He had a couple of weeks of pretty unpleasant witching hours in the evenings, but they didn't last for too long and Jim and I just both have to be on top of our game at bedtime. I don't know why, but Lucy isn't bothered by his crying, even at bedtime. With Lucy, bedsharing felt like the way to go. With Cooper, I prefer him in his own space, at least for some of the night. He sleeps most of the night in the rock n' play. I nurse him side-lying often and then burp him, rock him, and for the most part, he transfers back down into his own little space. He gets so hot in the bed with me and I don't sleep as well wondering if I am suffocating him or not. We had the sidecar with Lucy and I think that made a big difference. Jim is going away for a long weekend next week (AHHHHH!!!!) and it seems like we are going to be able to get some sleep. We moved Lucy's bed into its own space in our bedroom so she is no longer just an extension of our bed. To my surprise, she is doing really well. Jim says she still comes to snuggle him when she is cold in the middle of the night, which is just fine. The next step will be letting her fall asleep without a grown-up in the room. I am glad we waited so long. She seems perfectly fine with the new situation and Jim has been wanting to do this for a long time. It seems like a win for everyone. When Jim is away next weekend, I'll move into the room with Lucy and bring the rock n' play. I'll nurse Cooper in the other room when he wakes up and then bring him back over. It's only four nights, but I am anxious about it!

In the past week, Cooper has been smiling on cue. It looks like a lot of work and he doesn't make eye contact for about an hour after a few smiles. It is rewarding and much more motivating to talk and sing with him when he gives some feedback. He has rolled over a total of 6 times now and it appears that he realizes it's his ticket off of his belly. His tracking and focus is coming along, although his tracking is in the very beginning stages of development. He LOVES the paintings we have on the living room walls and we talk about all the trips Jim and I have taken and all the trips we want to take as a family (after I get a graduate and get a job :-). Coop and I have been taking a walk almost every day. We are up to 2-3 miles at a time. Yesterday we all walked together to pick Lucy from school and Cooper and I came in at 5 miles at the end of the day! I'm really enjoying being able to exercise again and am looking forward to starting back at the gym in a few weeks. I'm thinking I'll start putting Cooper in the little daycare at the YMCA around 12 weeks. I'm pumping about 5 days a week to build up a little stash and he is easily taking a bottle (at least for now). Lucy loves feeding him and I am trying to give her a bottle every weekend. If she wants to be involved, we facilitate that as much as possible.

Last weekend, on Mother's Day, we drove down to sunny, warm San Jose to visit Happy Hollow. It turns out Lucy really has grown and was tall enough to ride all of the rides, including the roller coaster! It was very hard to say whether she enjoyed it or not while we were on the ride, but she rode it a second time. Cooper slept most of the day and it was really fun to give so much attention to Lucy. She was so exhausted on the way home that she fell asleep in the car! It was a miracle. We gave her a million treats and rewards when we got home in hopes that she falls asleep in the car again. Cooper doesn't do very well in the car around town, but he fell right to sleep on the interstate. If both kids would sleep in the car, we could go more places more often!

My incision heals up a bit each day. It's definitely still easy to overdo it. Everyday tasks are finally pretty easy, so I sometimes fall into the trap of forgetting I had surgery 7 weeks ago. Then I'm pretty sore for about a day and am reminded to take it easy. I swam 30 lengths (15 laps) two weeks ago. It felt soooo good at the time, but I also took Lucy in the little pool for half an hour before that. My abdomen was pretty worn out for the next couple of days and I decided to wait a few weeks to try swimming again. I'm hoping to try it again this weekend. I am also hoping to try getting back on my bike in the next couple of weeks. There is no way to bring Cooper in the bike cart yet, but it would be a nice thing to do with Lucy. And, I'm just aching to drop the last bit of baby weight and I can't do that without exercise.