Nana went on an airplane

Nana and Lucy have known each other since Lucy was 18 months old. When we said good-bye to Nana and she flew away on her airplane in Moab, Utah, I cried for days. I cried because I felt like it was the first time Lucy was losing someone special in her life. I cried because we made it through my first year in the program at UC Berkeley. I cried because I couldn’t have done it without Joanna. Lucy is now fluent in Spanish and speaking more and more words in Spanish every day. I cried because I thought she was going to lose that. I cried because I hadn’t cried in over a year. Moms need to cry. We need to burst from the seams and let it all come seeping out. This is terrifying, though. What if the bottom falls out? If we cry will everything fall apart? It turns out it won’t.

It is actually cathartic. It felt good. I hated how good it felt. They were mostly tears of gratitude to the young woman who has loved, cared for and adored our darling girl all year. Childcare was not a good fit for our family. I had so much anxiety and fear. Jim and I actually spent all of last Saturday climbing at Lovers Leap, just the two of us. I know now that she will be well taken care of when we are not there. Nana has taught her so many things that I now can’t imagine who Lucy would be if I would have kept her all to myself.

While Nana is no longer with Lucy 30 hours a week, she still comes over to play or to babysit occasionally. Lucy has rebuilt her trust in Nana, which was a bit shaken after the epic flight from Utah. I When I first started in my program I was convinced most days that I was ruining our daughter’s life by not being with her 24/7. I realize now that it has been a real advantage for Lucy to have the undivided attention of another grown-up in her life. She has learned that there other people in the world who can and will care for her besides her parents. I also got a dear friend out of the whole gig. It has been a wonderful journey of learning for all of us. Now if we can convince to stick around forever J.