Resignations and Chatter

This week I put in my official resignation for my full-time, salaried job with excellent benefits and loads of vacation days plus retirement in the state system to be a SAHM. I honestly never saw this coming. Now that I have LucyLou in my life nothing else seems as important, though. Admittedly, I would love to go back to my job part-time, but, as discussed in other soapboxes on this blog that do not need reiteration, that is not a possibility. Some days I find myself feeling a bit lost. Being Lucy's mom is the single most important, rewarding, meaningful job I have and will ever have. It is not exactly what you might consider intellectually stimulating. I am able to be the mom I am, which is the best I can possibly do, because of all of my past experiences and I am not taking that for granted. I have already fired our cleaning lady, reduced our cell phone packages, ban myself from Amazon unless it is a necessity and have made a new grocery budget. I am also working three mornings a week at the gym's childcare center for a whopping $9.00 an hour, the lowest hourly wage I have made since high school. On the upside, they also cover my membership at two locations and I can use the childcare when I am not working for free. Oh, did I mention I can can take Lucy with me? This means no bottles, less pumping and after our first week on the new job, Lucy actually seems to enjoy it. She is worn out by the time we get home at 1:30, but she spends the morning talking with other children who love reading and singing to her. She even met another baby one month older than her and they hit off right from the start :-). As you can see from this sporadically written paragraph, it is easy to feel a bit lost and aloof without a concrete schedule, but we will get there. After all, it has only been 3 and a half months.

It has already been three and a half months?! How in the world did that happen? (And why is it stiiiillll snowing?) Pregnancy is a faint memory. Newborn diapers seem so tiny that no baby would ever need them. Lucy head is so big none of her infant hats fit and we are about to move into size two diapers. Our little biology experiment is proving to be one of great fascination to me time continues to move so slowly and so quickly all at the same time. Lucy loves to do a growing number of things these days. She has learned to get the attention of those around her by talking, loudly if necessary and she adores the crazy lady voice we moms seem to be professionals at. She has started to want to see the world from new and exciting perspectives, such as sitting upright. Her smiles get bigger every day (and she melts me to the ground with every single one of them) and are sometimes followed up with something of a giggle. She seems relatively well adjusted to life on the outside and wakes up happy as a clam (whatever that actually means) each morning reminding us to Carpe Diem, within the constrains of bowel movements, naps, gas, nursing, overstimulation, under-stimulation, limiting time in the car seat, the fears of cold and flu season and the ever looming anxiety of parenting. So, we carpe diem in every little smile and the joyful chatter of a tiny, but strong Lucy Bear in very different ways than rock climbing the cliffs of Thailand, but with as much gratefulness as ever.

In boring, but "I want to remember this later" news, I have said to hell with "sleep, but awake" bedtimes and continue to nurse our darling girl to sleep. There is just not enough time in the day to fight natural biological responses that have been working for moms and babes since the dawn of time. She is spending some time most nights in her co-sleeper, but I usually snuggle her in close during her first night feeding and just keep her there. She is just way too good of a cuddler to slide her away from me. We have also started an actual bedtime routine which is working well. It starts with a bath in the 6:15-6:45 range, then a shower for mommy. She seems zoned out and content to lay in a Lucy nest on the floor and listen to the sound of the water, a relief for me. Then we may hang out a little, bounce on the yoga ball, just relax a little followed by bedtime stories (we love the Nancy Tillman books) in the rocking chair. Usually she asks to nurse during this time and then I sing A Your Adorable and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. She is still nursing to sleep, but I am often able to settle her into bed after that and take some time to read or pick-up around the house. So far so good!